The Wolverine? Witch, please!

I spent the last ten days immersing myself in Chaos Theory as it applies to leadership.

It’s not the most fun I’ve ever had, but everything I’ve ever spent a lot of time studying has rewarded me (with the exception of a book called Martha Goes To Washington. This did not reward me at all. Sorry, Miller).

Anyway.

My brain was feeling violated, so I decided I needed some candy. An action flick. Why not? So I picked up the “Unleashed Extended Edition” Blu-ray (surely, a comma is missing) of The Wolverine.

wol

 

Sorry, whoever is responsible for this film, but I paid for the damn thing and I’m entitled to an opinion: it’s a turd.

If you haven’t seen it and are planning to buy it, don’t. If you have seen it, well, you know what I’m talking about.

How to go about this without spoilers?

It’s boring. Whoever shot it knows very little about how to pace action scenes. The action was staccato rather than a smooth ballet of action.

There was too much cod philosophy, too much agonizing over meaning, heavy-handed foreshadowing…oh, and anything else.

Minority Report: The “all Asians do martial arts” cliche was in full effect.

They wasted characters like Mariko and Yukio. All they needed to do was follow the Claremont/Miller storyline and it would have at least made sense. Did they? No.

I was interested in the creative team’s defence, so I checked out the extra features and they said they were “faithful” to the above storyline. Were they? No.

Sciencey Bit: the writers had no idea how atomic physics works. Dudes, staring at a nuclear explosion is not something you can shrug off. Really. The eyes don’t like it.

Sciencey Bit II: Wolverine performs open heart surgery on himself. Literally. Now, there’s a real-time MRI-type machine there with another person present and lots of pointy, sharp knives, but does he ask her to help? Noooo. He does the thing himself. Why? Why, in the name of Baron Munchhausen would he do that?

I’m not going to take you through the plot. Wolverine has been living as a wild man, comparing claws with a bear which boo-hoo gets killed and blah blah, let’s all go to Japan, blah blah, fell in love with blah blah healing factor got stolen blah blah YOU WILL NOT CARE.

Whatever.

Don’t buy it.

 

 

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